People have talked quite a bit about how and why Mama Elena was so cruel. But what I want to know is, was she a bad parent and why?
To decide whether or not she was a good parent, we must first define what success is; the problem is, how do you define a ’successful’ child? The easiest way to define it would be someone who is a functioning part of society. That includes education, social skills, life skills, etc. That model is rather general, but does it apply to all parents? I think not. The problem with this question is that success is relative.
So it seems that we must define Mama Elena’s terms of success. What Mama wanted is a daughter that would care for her until she died. She wanted a daughter that could cook, clean, and do laundry. She also wanted someone who could keep the ranch going when she was unable to. According to this model, Mama Elena succeeded.
But – and this is a big but – we must consider that parents always have their childrens’ best interest at heart (that point is not up for discussion, it’s true, end of story: ask any parent). Because of this, it is very likely that Mama Elena wanted Tita to be happy. This is where we encounter somewhat of a circle: Mama Elena imposes strict limits on Tita which make her want to break those limits, in this case by seeing Pedro, which cause Mama Elena to impose stricter limits. Parenting is about balance; Mama Elena has yet to find this balance. Children want limitations but they need freedom. I could go on for pages, but let’s just say that, in this area, she failed.
Another area we must consider is that she ended up having an affair with her sister’s husband. It is very clear that this is not what Mama Elena wanted her child to grow up to do, yet at the same time, it was her shortcomings as a parent that caused this. Mama Elena is the reason that Tita and Pedro couldn’t be together, and she’s the reason that Pedro married Rosura instead of Pedro. Once again, a failure.
I think it’s fair to say that Mama Elena is a bad parent, bt not for the reasons that you might think. In the end, she turned Tita into what she wanted, but at the cost of Tita’s happyness. She also failed in controlling her daughter. In her defense, her other 2 daughters turned out a lot better, however she definately failed Tita as a parent.
What I want to know is, do you think that Mama Elena was a bad perent? But more importantly, did she do the right thing?
January 24, 2007 at 12:12 am
In my opinion, a good child needs only knowledge of what is right and what is wrong and act upon what they think is right. Basically, this is what makes a good PERSON in general. The duty of the parent is to teach the child what is right and what is wrong.
What makes me think Mama Elena was a bad parent was that she knew what she was doing was wrong, but didn’t bother to correct herself. I agree that children need discipline in order to learn good behaviour, and that was what Mama Elena achieved in the end. However, I think that is the wrong way to go.
Beating her daughter, depleting her of happiness and restraining her from getting married has made sure that Mama Elena had a caregiver when she got old. However, as Kai said, the price was Tita’s happiness. Surely, there must be more effective methods of bring up a child than that. If Mama Elena had shown care and supported Tita during the upbringing, Tita would have probably felt a bond with her mother and taken care of her anyways. If Elena had shown care to all her daughters, they were unlikely going to let Elena shrivel up and die alone.
In the end, a good child needs a sense of morals that needs to be taught, and not forced, by a parent. Mama Elena enforced the duty of filial piety on Tita, but Tita just ended up throwing it out the window anyways. This shows that Mama Elena’s parenting methods are not very effective.
Thus, it is clear that I think Mama Elena was a bad parent and did not do the right thing. I am very thankful that Mama Elena is not MY Mama.
January 24, 2007 at 12:12 am
Once again, excellent post. I agree completely.
I think an interesting aspect of this issue is Mama Elena’s moral intentions for her daughter. Despite her hypocrisy, she would have wanted Tita to forget Pedro, and care for her until she died. The idea of Tita sleeping with her sister’s husband would have appalled Mama Elena. However, the only reason Tita was contradicting Elena’s values and standards of propriety was because Elena had put them in that situation in the first place ( by arranging the Pedro-Rosaura marriage). It is a real circle. When Mama Elena tried to accomplish ’success’ for her daughter (#1, in above post), she failed to pass on her ideas of ‘decency’, and failed as Tita did not necessarily lead the life she would have wanted (#3).
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At the end of your post, you say that ‘her other 2 daughters turned out a lot better’. I disagree on this point, when it comes to Elena’s parenting. In Gertrudis’ case, she only found happiness when she left the ranch and at that point, her mother burned all her things and never spoke her name. Not, in my view, the greatest parenting. For her eldest daughter, Rosaura, I think she failed again. Elena arranged Rosaura’s marriage to her younger sister’s boyfriend. She could have predicted that it would end badly for Rosaura, but she did it anyway. Rosaura went into that marriage knowing that her husband was lusting after her sister, and ended up broken-hearted, discarded and unhappy. No caring mother would force her daughter to undergo that kind of unhappiness.
Overall, I don’t think that she was a good parent. Despite her motives and reasoning, which have been discussed in length throughout this blog, she was seemingly cruel and unfeeling towards all of her daughters.
January 24, 2007 at 12:18 am
I can’t really explain Mama Elena’s cruelty towards Tita at the beginning of the story. However, I think I understand why she became more strict and cruel to Tita. We all know that Elena had a relationship with a man that was forbidden by her parents and this relationship eventually caused her grief. Tita was having a similar relationship between Pedro, one that wasn’t allowed by Elena. Once Mama Elena became aware of this relationship, she started to intervene. She probably thought that Tita would end up with the same grief that she experienced. Since, as you said, parents want the best for their children, Elena may have tried to prevent this grief by the only way she seems to know how, by being cruel and strict.
January 24, 2007 at 12:20 am
To conclude, I think Elena did do the right thing even though I don’t think being cruel and strict was the best way to have done it.
January 24, 2007 at 12:34 am
Towards mazharul’s post, Mama Elena was more strict with Tita because she was the youngest daughter. In Elena’s eyes, Tita was almost like her “dutiful” servant. She was suppsoed to care for her mother, cook and do all the chores. What person wouldn’t want to have that?
However, Mama Elena’s views on the pros/cons of society is correct. How she decided to teach Tita her traditions/opinions was unjust. She beat her and yelled at her every waking moment. Like Johanna said, Tita went in her own ways and contradicted her values. But they are, indeed, Mama Elena’s values, not Tita’s. The definition of propriety between mother and daughter is different and just because the daughter doesn’t agree with the mom does not mean that the daughter is completely wrong.
January 24, 2007 at 1:40 am
I agree with Johanna – I don’t believe she was any more successful with her other two daughters.
I highly doubted a good parent takes pride in her daughter working in a brothel to satisfy her needs. She ended up disowning two of her daughters and leaving the ranch to a complete invalid. Rosaura was not capable of taking care of herself. I don’t believe this is the product of good parenting either. Gertrudis turned out alright, but accomplished this only through disobeying her mother and getting away from her. Rosaura, on the other hand, led a miserable life, stained with illness and in the end, resulted in her husband, her sister, and her daughter all betraying her.
I don’t think Mama Elena can be considered very successful in terms of parenting.
January 24, 2007 at 1:45 am
In my opinion, a parent’s success should not determine if he/she was a good parent. Even though you might say that Mama Elena was successful, I don’t agree in saying that she was a good parent. As Kelly stated, there are better was of raising your child than the way in which Elena raised Tita. I’m sure if ask people around you who you think have successful parents about their parents, you will find someone who says that he/she was brought up well, even though his/her parents did not hit him/her, shun him/her to the kitchen, or force him/her to care of them. Similarly, I’m sure you will also find people who’s parents you would think are unsuccessful in properly bringing up their child, even though they’ve always treated the child in ways you find acceptable. Therefore, I think that Elena had done things wrongly and was indeed a bad mother. Even if she wanted what was right for her child, she tried to force her daughter towards it instead of encouraging her.
January 24, 2007 at 2:32 am
For Mama Elena to gradually change her attitude towards her three daughters, it must be a resultant of some sort. In my opinion, it must be the anger and frustration carried over from not only being unable to marry Jose Trevino, but to marry someone she didn’t love.
Very much like Tita, young Elena most likely had no said on who she would marry and would instead obey everything her parents would ask of her. Her obedience was probably due to the fear of being punished or even banished from the family (a shameful matter, like in Romeo & Juliet). Although Mama Elena didn’t love Juan like she did José, she still had to marry. And with this marriage came her built up anger and frustration tagging along.
I believe that if she was allowed to marry José and start a family with him, her parenting would have been much more different. She wouldn’t have punished them so harshly. I can’t say that Mama Elena truly loved her children like a normal parent. Her love did not seem to come from a parent who would make the best out of her married life. The reason…she didn’t feel that Rosaura, Gertrudis or Tita belonged to her. She merely thought of taking care of her children as a chore, a responsibility or even a duty. She had no real motherly love connection or enjoyment in raising Juan’s daughters.
Instead, she brought her frustration and anger into the picture by taking her anger out on them. She was probably selfish in thinking that if she couldn’t have the love of her life, why could they? She caused each and every one of them pain when it involved around love, whether it be romantic love or love between mother and daughter. Therefore, I can only say that Mama Elena could have been a much better motherly figure if she actually listened to what her daughters were asking of her.
Btw, very good post, I enjoyed reading it!
January 24, 2007 at 3:10 am
Mama is simply a bad example to all parents. I don’t believe that she had her children’s best interests at heart. She saw how Tita was suffering, endlessly suffering and still she continued forbidding Tita from even being close to Pedro. It should have been obvious to Mama Elena that Pedro had not given up on Tita at all during his marriage to Rosaura. This marriage that Mama Elena, herself had initiated. If Mama Elena wanted Tita to be happy, she should have let the relationship between Tita and Pedro blossom and have them be married. After all, if Mama Elena had suffered through a situation similar to Tita, shouldn’t she have helped Tita actually let her be with her loved one, Pedro. However, it is unclear what happened between Mama Elena and Jose, and what’s there to say that Mama Elena was not jilted by her lover in some way. Much of this is unclear, one thing is certain though, Mama Elena did not support Tita’s love that may have led her to happiness. Mama Elena’s decision cause both Tita and Rosaura to suffer. Near the end of the story, we see that Rosaura is furious to have Pedro cheat on her. She is humiliated at having society ridicule her for the affair that her sister and husband are having. Though Rosaura does not love Pedro, I don’t think this is true, I think she is mad at Tita due to her pride. However, she did care for Pedro, when she was fat and passed gas, she feared that Pedro would never come to her side again.
Mama Elena is also not a good parent in that she puts her social status before her “love” of her daughters. When Gertrudis had disappeared into a brothel, instead of being worried, she immediately disowned her, in fear that society would ridicule their family and herself. Also, knowing the love that Tita and Pedro share, Mama Elena puts their family traditions before her own children’s happiness. She also disowns Tita because she thinks Tita is insane. Instead of being loving and caring about her daughter’s wellbeing, she feels that anyone who does not fit her standards are to be cast away. In the end Rosaura is the one left, just because she was very obedient. I believe that parents should nurture their children to have their own minds. Instead Rosaura holds the same views as Mama Elena and wants Esperanza to also be her servant. Mama Elena is not fit to be a dictator, she does not see her daughters as her daughters but servants who, when they have outlived their use, can be tossed aside.
I hope that a Mama Elena does not exist in this world, because that would mean utter doom for her children!
January 24, 2007 at 3:16 am
Ishraq I think your comparison of Mama Elena with any of our parents is unfair. Determining whether a parent is “good” or not depends as much upon their circumstance as anything else. Every parent’s situation will be different, as every child is different. Therefore I conclude that there is no way to determine whether a parent is good or bad.
January 24, 2007 at 3:19 am
Interesting post. In my eyes, a parent’s success with their child can be measured with happiness and mutual like. Parents are almost always trying to do what they think is best for their child, which is the complete opposite of what Mama Elena did. She did what was best for herself.
There are many parents that can create a pleasant househould where they and their children are extremely satisfied with their relationship. Most topics are open for discussion and there is an effective support system in place. There is no way a miserable child can contribute to society as a whole. All Mama Elena did was make Tita’s choices, causing her to feel insecure. People who are undecisive as a result of their parents’ interference are generally very confused and unaware that it is alright to have an opinion of your own.
January 24, 2007 at 4:21 am
This has been discussed many times. My opinion does not draw from the book as much as it does from experience and background knowledge. It is based on my views, and my views alone.
I think she is a good parent, with an overdose of “Good”. Good being the punishing woman that she is. Though she tries to raise her children to be straight and nice people with plenty of capabilities, her bias and her punishment towards Tita is overdone. To the other children, I think she is a fair mother. I am sure that she would punish the other children too if they had done something incorrectly, just not as much. For example, when the sisters sew their clothing, Tita’s stitches are the best yet because she did not baste them, she was punished with having to resew the clothes and basting them. This is much too overdone.
She is a good starting parent, but her selfishness and the final result are damaging to the children. Her influence to the Rosaura is clearly shown and it is, of course, a bad thing. The end result is that Mama Elena is, to me, a bad parent.